Capture Your Grief - October

If you have lost a child, I am pretty positive you have heard of Carly Dudley. She does so many things for the baby loss communities such as: beach butterflies, sunset photos, sand butterflies, and writing your baby's name in the sand. She goes to a place she calls Christian's Beach in Australia, which is named after her son that passed away. I was so gratedul to have her do Lauren's name and photograph it, which I bought. I plan to put it on canvas and hang in our home. I also bought a couple of other things she offered. I think it is beautiful work and I love  looking at them. Anyway, there was a tag she created on Facebook and Instagram called "Capture your Grief". I began to participate in it on instagram, however towards the end of the month, I was unable to finish it. I still wanted to share it though. So, the ones I completed are below! :)

Day #1 - Sunrise. I didn't take one that morning, I found this one online and I absolutely loved it. I love, love, love the clouds. It is what I imagined Lauren sees every morning.

Day #2 - Before Loss Self-Portrait. The 1st photo was in March 2011 when I was pregnant. I was at the zoo with a couple of my best friends and Halley. The 2nd photo was of Brandon, Halley, & I in the hospital a couple of minutes before they took me back to have my C-Section. The 3rd picture was of the 1st and only time I held Lauren while she was alive.

Day #3 - After Loss Self-Portrait. These are photos from right before our 1st remembrance ceremony, the MEND Walk to Remember in October 2011. The caption I wrote with this photo was " It is amazing how someone can look happy, but be so broken."

Day #4 - Treasured Item. We keep things of Lauren's in every room of our house and this is the area in our office. This shelf has her funeral book, memory box, a flower from her funeral, and some items people have given us in her memory. Inside her memory box we have a photo a hospital photographer took before she passed (we were supposed to get it as a July 4th surprise, her brush, & thermometer from the hospital, the size of diaper she wore, hair from her 1st haircut (when she had her blood transfusion), the originals of her prints the hospital made for us, hospital bracelets, the gown she wore when they handed her over to me, & a few other small things that I will forever treasure.

Day #5 - Memorial. This is the memorial tattoo I got in remembrance of Lauren.

Day #6 - What not to say.

Day #7 - What to say.

Day #8 - Jewelry. I got that locket right after we lost Lauren. I wear it just about everyday. The pink bracelet I am wearing is the ones we bought to give to our family that has Lauren's name and dates on it. The purple one is the one I got from MEND that says "always remembering". The ring is the one I got on our Disney trip with Lauren's birthstone! I actually have quite a bit more of jewelry, but I wear these most often.

Day #9 - Special Place. Don't you just love her flag?!

Day #10 - Symbol. The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ribbon.

Day #11 - Support. We have so much love and support from our friends and family, so it was hard to choose just 1 photo, but I love this one. They were 2 of the 1st people to get to visit Lauren after she was born.

Day #12 - Scent. This is something that was given to us by the transport team that was moving Lauren from her birth hospital to Cooks. They told us that we needed to hold onto it & when we leave her, to put it back in the bed with her, so she recognizes us by our body scent - since we weren't able to hold her and bond with her at that time. We keep this in her memory box & I love golding onto it because it was with her everday.

Day #13 - Signs. Anytime I see butterflies,I think Lauren is around me in spirit. Angels are so pretty to look at and are a great symbol to remind me of Lauren.

Day #14 - Community. I am part of the baby loss community. I have met so many great women that have been there to support me when I needed it. I don't like the way we met, but I'm thankful I found MEND & all the mommies I've grown to know.

Day #15 - Wave of Light. Left: last year - our candle w/ Lauren's bears she had with her in the NICU/ Right: This year we used the candle we made at the family weekend grief camp from this summer.

Day #16 - Release. This is a photo I took from this year's MEND Walk to Remember.

Day #17 - Birthday. This is a collage of a couple of photos that were taken from Lauren's 1st birthday.

Day #18 - Family Portrait. This was taken as part of my Maternity Portraits.

Day #19 - Project. I worked so hard on Lauren's scrapbook. There is still a few things I want to touch up on, but by her 1st birthday, I felt like it was mostly complete enough to show off and share with my family and friends. I feel so accomplished for getting so much of it done. Right now we have it displayed on our fireplace mantel.

Day #20 - Organization. I mentioned MEND for day 14: community, but it also doubles for this day. MEND provides so much support and so many resources to help you with your grief. I am part of their Facebook page and feel as that has helped me enormously. They also have monthly support groups, some in which your husbands can go to, or you can go to when your pregnant with your rainbow.