Lauren's Letters 2013

I am finally getting to post these! I have been crazy busy with working and editing so I just haven't been able to sit down and type them all out.

As years before, I may only post little portion of a letter, depending on the letter, so that way some of them stay somewhat private. I will, however, give the details on each act of kindness that was done. :) So some of them may be a little bit longer than others. 

Here we go:

Meagan M: Purchased 10 fleece blankets to hand out to homeless people that sleep outside on the corner and in the park for when the temperatures drop in Denver. "I hope that you find joy in the acts of kindness people have done in memory of your sweet baby Lauren."

Amanda S: Participated in a Polar Plunge in Anchorage, Alaska that benefits the Special Olympics in Alaska. She raised $260.00 in the week leading up to the plunge. "I can definitely say, that in honor of Baby Lauren, I was freezin' for a reason!"

Adrianna N: Put together a bag of items that she is thankful for, a bag of small luxuries, for the homeless. This included: 2 bottles of water, a bag of wet wipes, a bar of soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, a bottle of mouthwash, deodorant, "and a note telling the person gifted with this bag about your child and the impact their life had on the world. I gave these out over the month of December. I can't even really describe the look on these people's faces as I handed them these bags. It felt amazing. I'm so honored to pass these bags out in honor of your baby. I hope this note brings you joy on Christmas and I hope you know how many people the life of your child has affected. Many, many hugs o you and Merry Christmas." 

Stephanie D: Works at Origami Owl and her and her team found out that there are several families working at their home office that need a little help. In just over 2 days, they were able to "gather enough money donations to send 20 $300 Walmart gift cards for twenty needy families. Because we understood that much of that may need to go to groceries, etc but because we also wanted each child to have a gift, there are also 50 $25 ToysRUs gift cards on the way for each child in those families to pick out their own special toy this year. In a special business announcement Friday, we were told by the founder that they were so moved by what the designers had done for the Nest employees, they decided to match our gifts! What a blessing to know these families will be smiling from ear to ear this Christmas and an extra special blessing as I donated in Memory of Lauren that some other child will have a special gift under the tree from her." 

Camille L: Helped a homeless veteran who just got his first apartment after living on the streets for 9 years but had nothing for it. "When I heard this I knew that Lauren and I could help. I went home and gathered some towels and pots and pans and then went shopping for all those things we usually don't even think about. A laundry basket, shower curtain, detergent, utensils, etc. We delivered them to Tony with a Christmas card thanking him for his service and it was signed from Lauren." 

Morey Family: "This year me and my family decided to buy a whole family who had recently lost their jobs presents! We bought the parents gift yards to Walmart 50$ and we bought all the children presents! We left them on their door this morning with a note saying "From the sweetest angel in Heaven" We will carry on this tradition every year for you Lauren. With a new family every year. You have touched our hearts Lauren and we never even saw your beautiful face! Melissa, you truly amaze me every single day. You are such a strong beautiful wonderful mother and I look up to you. I love that you turn this sad time into something so positive. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers." 

Kawas Family: Donated clothes and toys to a needy family at a woman's shelter. "It was a bittersweet moment seeing a woman and her baby girl have nothing for Christmas then to see the moms face light ups with joy as she continued to pull out brand new baby girl clothes and toys out of the box, and Jonathan gave his toys to less fortunate little boys that appreciated them so much. It's all dedicated to baby Lauren, she is still a blessing and Halley is such a great big sister it brings tears even writing this and think about the emotions that go through your family's hearts. You family is so strong and I look up to you all as inspirations of strength and heart. Kepp holding your heads up and continue to be strong. Lauren is being taken care of by your mom Melissa so I know she is in great angel hands :) I love you guys Merry Christmas and thank you for including my family in this special tradition with your family." 

Tiffany E: Donated to CASA, advocates for abused and neglected children in foster care. " I hope you all have a great Christmas and enjoy time together. Can't wait to share the story of Lauren and her influence on the world again next year!" 

Ashley G: Bought dinner for 2 homeless people. :)

Mendez Family: "In honor of Lauren and the spirit of Christmas, our family had the pleasure of adopting 2 angels from the Angel Tree. We had a girl angel and a boy angel. We purchased gifts to donate to the Salvation Army to help bring a smile on Christmas Day to those in need. Lauren, we came to visit you today, Sunday before Christmas. We left you a hot pink Christmas tree with candy canes and silver little ornaments. Victoria picked out a cute little snowman with a pink scarf for you. It dances when you push the button and plays a cute Christmas son, she played it for you. We all miss you, I imagine your smile, your laugh, I know I will see those one day. For now, keep Grandma Vickie busy and take care of each other." 

Amber G: "I hope you like the small princess Christmas tree and ornament that said your name on it, that I got you for Christmas! :)"

Leslie G: Helped an elderly man in a wheelchair get items from a frozen food case and paid for a food order for the car behind her. "We have never met and I was invited to Lauren's Stocking Project by Amanda S. Thought we've never met and probably never will, I am honored to be invited and blessed to be able to do something in Lauren's memory. I wish your family a Merry Christmas and hope God's blessing upon you are overflowing." 

Rodriguez Family: "In honor of you this year, we did our RAOK for a 6mon old named, Zeayan. Zeayan is currently being fostered by a co worker of mine. His cousin has 6 kids & they were all taken away from their mom due to a battle of drug addiction. When my co worker explained to me that his family of five turned to a family of seven by taking in two of the children, I knew this is where our RAOK should take place. Zeayan does not have a lot of baby clothes or toys. We (Uncle Joe, Joey & I) went to the Carter’s store & picked out three outfits & bought him a baby toy to play with too.  I put everything in a bag & typed up a letter. I told them all about you, my heavenly niece. <3 I explained your Stocking Project & how you are still very much apart of our lives and that the RAOK are to remember you. You are always here with us, your spirit, memory & name will always live on in our family. I imagine when he opens the gift his excited will bring excitement to you. I wish I could see your face, hold you tight & kiss your cheeks. I love, miss, and think of you often."

Jacob G: "I know I didn't really get to see you as often as I would have liked but I do want you to know that I do love you more than you could ever imagine! I am sure the whole family is wishing you were her with us right now! I can just picture you now! Smart, beautiful, and crazy hair like you mama! You made my brother in law a daddy and my sister a mother of two! And you made the weeks that you were here so memorable for your family! I know grandma Vickie is holding you, rocking you and singing grandmas baby to you up there! Sometimes I think god may have taken you so early because you going to be such a wonderful person that God couldn't wait to have you with him! Lauren I love you and I ask of you one thing this Christmas. Show your presence over your parents and let them know you are with them always! These past couple of years have been hard on them and I know you are the only one who can brighten up there day besides your big sister Halley! By the way, Halley is so proud to be your big sister! She talks about you all the time! Lauren I love you and I wish you were here but I know you are in a better place! Autry family keep y'all's heads up and know she is with y'all! Love y'all! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!"

Sika D: "To Lauren, Though we have not met, Lauren, we share the same birthdays and today would be your third Christmas. You would be the same age as my niece and though by now you may not even understand the meaning of christmas yet other than being surrounded by family and tons of presents. I don't think you would know who's Santa Clause yet because my niece hasn't told us if she's excited for Santa to be coming by. Don't worry if he snuck into your house in the middle of the night last night, he's not a burglar and he wouldn't harm you or your family. He came by to bring a little joy to all the good boys and girls from all over the world. He enjoys milk and cookies even though his wife thinks he should be watching his weight. You know, I just realized you've never been given the chance to unwrap a gift before, but I bet your big sister Halley wouldn't mind to help you out. Big sisters will always look out for the little sister and I know your big sister loves you most of all. Though the time may have been hard without you here with us I want to believe that you're doing well wherever you may be right now. In your absence we have not forgotten about you and your presences still lives on in spirit in our hearts by love and memory. I'd like to think that when someone is gone, they are reborn again somewhere else so maybe we'll meet again in another life so I could be given the chance to meet you and say hi. Words cannot express how much joy and blessing you've given to the people you've touched and I don't think I can write anything that will do it justice. Lots of love and hugs. I wish you all great joy in the new year, Merry Christmas."

Shisler Family: Last Friday I went to the gas station to get Ken a snack and get gas before errands. It was about 5pm. It has a small deli in it. As I order Kens food, the lady beside me is homeless and digging thru her bag for chance. It is a reusable walmart bag attached to the front of her walker. I hear her order and lean into cashier to tell her I was buying her dinner. She tells me her name is Sara and asks me if she can tell her I paid. I said no please  just tell her that  an Angel named Lauren wanted her to have a warm dinner and a Merry Christmas with a smile. She than smiled and did as I requested. Sara was so excited she began to cry. I tried very hard to maintain my composure.And keep it a secret who did pay which I was able too. I paid wished everyone a Merry Christmas. The following Monday Brayden and I went into the same gas station for my morning coffee and his Monday donut. I get up to pay and was told someone already paid. I looked at a different cashier puzzled. She said to us a lady came in last week and started a chain of Angel Lauren Random acts of kindness. I thanked them went to my car and bawled knowing in such a small town in the deep south one ROAK can go so far. Brayden asked me why I was crying I explained he got teary eyed and we smiled and went to school. As we pull in he asks for a $1 for an ice cream at lunch.  I give it to him. Send him in with I love yous, I pick him up and he said a didn't buy an ice cream today I asked why he said I bought two packs of cookies one for me and one for John the mean boy in my class and told him Angel Lauren wants us to be friends so lets have cookies. At 8 years old I hope he realizes the impact he has just made on another child. As I am crying typing this. I know you are as you read all these. Have a wonderful Christmas and thank you for reminding me and my family the smallest gestures go a long distance. 

Autry Family: "This year we didn't just do random acts of kindness just at Christmas. No, this year we did things all year around." They did things such as purchasing groceries for someone in line behind them, paid for gas for someone, regularly took meals to their elderly neighbors and gave them perishable foods before their move across states, They also, most importantly, supported someone they knew when he was considering suicide. Lastly, their son went to a birthday party where another child arrived at the party so late, that there was no more game cards available to give him. Caleb had saved up money through-out the year and purchased an extra game card to be able to play extra games. When he found out the child was not able to play games, he told the child, who he did not know, to come play with him and he would share his game card with him. "So know we are passing on this way of life to another generation of the family! Thank you for continuing to inspire thoughtful behavior and kindness to others each year. Hopefully others will continue to do these types of things year round and spread the joy that it makes you feel when doing so." 

WOW 17 letters/acts of kindness for Lauren! We appreciate beyond words everyone that chose to participate in Lauren's Stocking project. It is the best gift for us to receive each year and love to see love pass from person to person. <3 

Our 2013 RAOKs

1. First, anytime anyone needed over in traffic, I would let them. I am a pretty aggressive driver, so it was nice to slow down and notice others. 

2. Then a couple of weeks ago there was a lady trying to cross the street but she was at a 4-way stop and no one would let her cross. It was cold out so I knew she was anxious to get where she was going, so I made sure to stop and start letting her cross traffic. 

3. Also, A week ago I bought one dozen cupcakes from someone throwing a fundraiser for a little girl who was diagnosed with cancer. I only spent $24 and did not need an entire dozen of cupcakes, but I know in situations like that, any amount helps. 

4. That same weekend my daughter had a cheer competition and they were hosting a toy drive. We donated 2 toys (one girl and one boy) which were going to the Scottish Rite Hospital. 

5. We also purchased 2 additional toys to put in a Toys for Tots fundraiser box my husband's work had. 

6. Lastly, We decided to purchase gifts for a 5 yr old little boy and a 3 yr old little girl. Their mother had absolutely no money to buy even a single gift for either of them. I did not want them to go without anything on Christmas, so we purchased a couple of gifts for the each of them. 

We try to do RAOKs through-out the entire year, but those were just the ones done in December 2013. As you can see, some of them cost absolutely no money at all. We just try to aim at spreading joy, love, and thoughtfulness at times that are usually purely chaotic. 

Again, sorry I have been MIA. But I promise, Lauren's letters will be posted soon! <3 <3

Lauren's Stocking Project 2013

As many of you know, we did this same event in 2011 and 2012, our first and second Christmas without Lauren. The amount of response we got each year was amazing! I hope this can be a yearly tradition for our family.

For those of you who may not know, Our second daughter was born on June 17, 2011 and she left us on July 2, 2011. This was the worst thing we could have ever possibly endured. The holidays are even more excruciating when you see every family around you with so much joy, and you feel as though you are the only one without that joy, because you are missing something..someone.

In 2011 we heard of something called a stocking project, Where people we knew could either simply write a letter to Lauren, or complete one random act of kindness in remembrance of her. These acts of kindness can be ANYTHING! They do not have to be something huge or something that costs money.

I will link the previous two years so you can get some ideas and see what other people have done for their random acts of kindness.

Once you chose what you feel comfortable doing, complete that act, and write a description in an email. (Remember you can also choose to write a letter to my family or Lauren and that will be just as nice.) Please email them to me at: m.autry0508@gmail.com.

In the subject line be sure to put: DO NOT OPEN, RAOK, or LAUREN'S STOCKING PROJECT. We will not read these ahead of time. I will print them out, stuff them in Lauren's stocking, and then on Christmas morning, we will open each one and read them together.

You will not believe how completing one act of kindness will make someone's day.

Like I said big or small, it does not matter. We are just asking that you remember Lauren while doing so.

I appreciate everyone taking the time to read this and considering making my family's holiday a little brighter. ♥

http://autry-family.blogspot.com/2012/01/christmas-day-with-letters-for-laurens_1189.html

http://autry-family.blogspot.com/2013/11/laurens-letters-from-2012-stocking.html

TTC Frustation

So many of you know how long it took us to conceive Lauren, so we were already prepared to endure another long road of TTC. We lost Lauren in July 2011 and I did not think I would be able to handle another pregnancy, especially when I felt like the next one would most likely end in the same way as this one just did. I decided to get on birth control, but that only lasted one month. We then decided that it would take a while for us to conceive so why not try, right? I figured that by the time I got pregnant, I would be able to emotionally handle it. Plus I knew a lot of other Baby Loss Mommas that said their rainbow baby helped them through their grief. I obviously knew that a new baby would not replace Lauren in any way, shape, or form, and that was not my intention at any point, but my body and my mind could not understand why I was not doing my motherly duties to a newborn after I carried my child for 9 months. Anyways, I was going through a tough time emotionally because of Lauren's death, wanting to have a child so badly, and also trying to decide if I wanted to see a geneticist to see if our future children would have the same prognosis as Lauren did.

Now here we are another 2 years later and I still don't have a baby in my arms. It's tough. Brandon, Halley, and I are longing for a child. There is not a day that does by where we aren't talking about our hopes of having another baby. So after we hit our 2 year mark ttc and not having any success, I decided to take it to the next step. It was time to finally start seeing a fertility specialist. In September I found a great doctor's office and our appointments began so quickly! Halley was probably the most excited. She doesn't know how babies are made yet, but she understands that it is not happening for us, and these doctors will hopefully help us have a baby.

So September was pretty much just giving us our game plan, letting me know what test I would undergo and what would happen on each day of my cycles.

October rolled around and it was time to begin! October was such a hectic month, that is when I visited their office the most.. more than 7 times that month! I got my baseline sonogram done and I was started on Clomid 100mg for cd 3-7. After that I had an HSG, blood taken, more sonograms, told when to do the "baby dance" etc. October ended and unfortunately, did not end in success for us. I thought that in November we would move onto have an IUI but we decided to try another month on our own, just with the medication and monitoring of course.

November came and now went. I had such high hopes for November. More than I ever had in October. My husband is a very optimist person, so he thought month #1 would be a success, but I am more a realist and knew that most likely it would be several. Anyways, my Clomid dosage was bumped to 150mg and I took it cd 4-8. My body works really slowly so I usually have to go in 2-3 times to have my follicles measured to see if they are ready to go. This month it took 2 times to be measured. I went in on Thursday, November 14th and they were not matured enough yet, so I went back on Saturday, November 16th. I had 4 matured follicles! Seriously, I was so excited. I know that some people would not want to take the risk of multiples and some doctors would ask their patients to skip that particular month... but I was not about to waste a month! My doctor asked if I was absolutely sure.. more than once ha, but I said go for it! I figured I wouldn't have multiples, but maybe I have 4x the chances of getting  just one fertilized. So I got my Ovidrel trigger shot (like the month before too) so that way I would ovulate the next day.

Maybe I never really noticed ovulation or maybe I didn't really ever ovulate properly (My progesterone level in October was an 8) but boy did I feel it in November. Well, of course I was counting down the dpo and checking for any and all symptoms.. I decided to test at 9dpo which I knew was extremely early, but I couldn't help it, I was so anxious to know. It was negative. Bring on the depression. Ugh. I thought, okay maybe it is too early. I test at 12dpo.. negative. Ugh.

You would think you would get used to having negatives month after month after month.. but you don't. It is such an awful feeling every time you get one. I am sad that I have to tell Halley that it didn't work this month again, because she has kept up with everyone of my appointments and talks about it. I know, I know, it will happen one day... One day just can't come soon enough.

So I am not sure if I will be able to do more treatments in December due to the holidays, plus Clomid caused my lining to thin and I will not be able to be on it any more, so I will have to try a new medication and I am not really sure the cost on that yet. I really want to do another round this month but we will just have to see.

Send me some Baby Dust! :D

Halloween :)

Capture Your Grief Facebook Event Closed

It is such a shame that some people are so hateful and cannot accept some people's way of grieving. Of course it is the ones who have never lost a child that have such mean and hateful things to say. I did not post on the group this year, but I know many mothers who did. I didn't keep up with the event as much as I would have liked, this year or last year, but I myself have posted pictures of Lauren, before and after she died. I just feel like it is so rude. Those people could have just minded their own business. Why do they need to go into an event, if they have no reason to be there? I guess they never heard "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Anyways, enough with my rambling, I just wanted to post the video response Carly Marie did in regarding to the event closing down. I thought it was all very well said. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUpBbdnhumg

For some reason it would not let me attach the video, so I hope you can click the above link to watch the video!

Capture Your Grief - Day 17

Day 17 - Time:



It has been too long since I've held her. <3

Capture Your Grief - Day 16

Day 16 - Seasons:

Every season is awful with Lauren. There is a holiday in every season and when you celebrate it with your other child, you can't help but wonder what it could have been like. Then everything you are missing out on is right in front of you.

Capture Your Grief - Day 15

Day 15 - Wave Of Light:

Tonight I lit a candle that I keep on our mantle next to Lauren's scrapbook and two of the bears she kept by her bedside. Tonight I not only remember Lauren, but also all other children gone too soon. <3

Capture Your Grief - Day 14

Day 14: Family

We are a family of four. Not everyone knows when they see Brandon, Halley, & I together, they of course assume it's a family of three. Everyday we try to incorporate her into our lives. Everyone else may not know, but we do. <3

Capture Your Grief - Day 13

Day 13 - Books

I read both of these books after Lauren died. I bought a total of 4 immediately after, but I never had the chance to read them all. These two were amazing books though. I would recommend them to anyone who has lost a child.

Capture Your Grief - Day 12

Day 12 - Article:

I have actually linked a great article on my blog before but it was way back in February 2012. This described my pain exactly! Here it is again:

Here is the link, but I am also posting it below:
http://smallbirdstudios.com/2012/02/05/when-you-lose-a-baby/

"You don’t know what to expect.

People surround you. For a couple of weeks. Making sure you are not going to kill yourself, refuse to get out of bed, or start rocking a baby doll like the crazy lady they heard about from a friend.

You get lots of sympathy cards, clearly written and designed to be sent to console a daughter losing her father. Not the other way around.

You get free baby formula in the mail. For months and months and months.

And free baby magazines. And free baby coupons.

You secretly envy every pregnant woman. But not without a tinge of guilt, because you know all too well that she might be one in four- expecting her rainbow child.

It seems like the whole world is expecting a baby.

You have baby stuff around your home. Because you never imagined you wouldn’t need it.

You feel jarred. In the grocery store. At a birthday party. At the dinner table. At Christmas. Driving.

The baby you never knew, but lost changes every part of your life. Every. single. part.

Forever.

You see baby clothes and it brings tears to your eyes.

You get sick and tired of crying. You never knew it was possible to cry this much.

You find yourself angry at God. Angry at yourself. Just angry.

You sware you can feel them kick but they’re gone. They call them phantom kicks. I call them painful, all kinds of painful. But sweet too.

You know, or you have a strong feeling of knowing what your child would have looked like, and been like. You see a child in the store, or on the street. Their hair color, dimples, smile, their personality and suddenly you are reminded of your child. You miss your child even more, if that’s even possible.

Your Babies R’ Us Registry is still active. There is no delete button on their site. The babies r’ us people don’t make a dime on people like us. Why bother right? You have to call them, plead with them to remove your freaking’ registry, because there will be no baby shower. There is an awkward silence. There is sadness. There will be no baby.

You get hospital bills about 3-4 months after you buried your child. You have to pay for the baby you delivered but didn’t bring home.

You find that moment of happiness in life for the first time, but the guilt swallows it up almost immediately.

You remember the size of the casket. The size of the plot. The face of the funeral director. The expression of those that attended the funeral. The feeling of raw pain, like your chest has literally been ripped open.

Somehow you convince yourself that you deserve happiness. Because you really do. But in the happiest, purest moment, there is still that hole that only they were meant to fill.

People compare your pain to their own pain. The loss of their grandmother, husband, their failed marriage, rebellious teenagers. Somehow this comparing leaves you stranded. If they can compare their pain of a situation to the loss of your BABY, they will likely never get it. Babies are not supposed to die. End of story.

You lost a dream. And it almost feels like you imagined their entire existence up. Their name becomes a distant memory on the lips of others.

There is awkwardness when you talk about your child in a crowd. No one knows whether to cry, walk away or pretend you never brought him or her up.

You lose friends. You find new ones.

You can’t believe that women have actually survived this and you never knew about it. Not really, anyway.

You would do anything for another minute with your child.

You cry when others bring up your child, not so much because it hurts but more so because it such a precious and rare gift.

You long for the rewind button, even after many many instances of acceptance.

You want to know what went wrong, and why…

You find a new appreciation for moments in life that make you laugh… you laugh harder and love stronger.

You know that you can die bitter, or die thankful. There is no in between.

You never ever, EVER get over your child. The one you hoped for, prayed for, carried and loved for the weeks and months they were with you.

You learn to live with the pain.

You are better for having known them at all."

Capture Your Grief - Day 9

Day 9 - Music:

There has been several songs that I related to through my grief, but I will share my favorite two.

Capture Your Grief - Day 8

Day 8 - Colour:

Crazy Daisies are bright, colorful flowers that we always put with Lauren. I'm not really sure why we first started putting these with her, but they are our favorite type of flowers to leave with her. The bright multi-colors just fit the best. I love the blues and pinks. We always make sure to get the ones with the most variations of colors! So anytime I see bright colors, it reminds me of the crazy daisies we always take her and I instantly want to go take her more! 

Capture Your Grief - Day 7

Day 7 - You Now:

As of now, I'm still struggling with my grief. I was hit with depression.. Hard. I think just recently, maybe 6 months ago, it started to get better for me. I still have heavy waves of grief that come, but I can tell a difference from a few months after she passed & now. I still think of her every day, but now I'm able to smile sometimes. Before it was completely fake and I just did it to look normal, now I can confidently say I have good days. Now I can look at her pictures and small amount of belongings & it not be like a sharp knife to the heart. I'm thankful it has started to change. I'm glad I can talk about her without bawling my eyes out.. That way people know I'm okay talking about her! I think I've struggled with explaining to people I'm not the same person as I was before Lauren died. Now that the heavy grief is a little lighter, I think I can begin to work on finding myself and loving myself again. 

Capture Your Grief - Day 6/ Walk to Remember

Day 6 - Rituals:

Every year we attend a Walk To Remember, which is a remembrance ceremony that hundreds of families attend to remember their sweet babies. 

Our first one we attended was just 3 months after Lauren passed away. I enjoy going to these because I feel free to cry without judgment. I feel like I'm not alone & there are other people who understand the horrible hurt I feel. 

This year was our third to attend and it makes 2 years and 3 months since Lauren died. It was not any easier or less painful this year. I cried the entire time. 

It just isn't fair. 

Anyways, my family and friends attend with us to show their love and support. 

Here are some pictures! 

Capture Your Grief - Day 5

Day 5 - Memory:

My favorite memories of Lauren is every one of the 15 days she was alive and we got to spend with her. She made Halley a big sister, Brandon a daddy, & me a mommy of 2 beautiful girls. Every day we drove 45 minutes to the hospital to spend hours with her in the morning to let Halley spend time with her sister & every evening we drove back those 45 minutes for mommy & daddy time. We got to read to her, hold her, sing to her, and change her diaper. Our time was short but atleast we have that. We made memories we will keep forever. "As long as I'm living, My Baby you'll be." <3 

Capture Your Grief - Day 4

Day 4 - Legacy:

Lauren's legacy to me is... Her life. And The memories I will always have of her. She is taught me more things than I could have ever imagined. And my growth and changes will forever be because of her. "While remembering those days as the saddest of our lives we can at the same time remember them as the most beautiful..." 

Capture Your Grief - Day 3

Day 3 - Myths:

"Everything happens for a reason" 

 "She is in a better place"

No parent should ever have to bury their child. The best place for my child would be in my arms, in my home, for me to watch her grow. 

Capture Your Grief - Day 2

Day 2 - Identity:

Lauren Isabelle Autry is my youngest daughter's name. She was born on Friday, June 17, 2011 at 37 weeks via C-section. She had a condition called Campomelic Dysplasia. Despite odds against her, she was born strong and proved to everyone she was a fighter. She surprised people day after day on how well she was doing. Loosing her was so unexpected. She was our little miracle baby after trying so hard to conceive for so long. She died on the early morning of July 2, 2011. She lived for 15 beautiful days. Not a day goes by where she is not missed. <3

Capture Your Grief 2013

October starts Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and Dwarfism Awareness Month! These two subjects are very dear to my heart. I have mentioned the beautiful work Carly Marie does before on my blog and she is the creator of these Capture Your Grief projects. I did about half entries last year, so I am going to try to do a few more this year! With that being said, I did not wake up early enough to capture yesterdays sunrise, so my first entry will be for day 2. For more information, you can check out her website here: http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2013/09/capture-your-grief-october-2013.html

Additional Molly Bear Pics

I forgot to put these! If you saw my last post of Lauren's birthday, I'm sure you saw what our Lauren Bear actually looks like! I purposely did not post a picture on the original Molly Bears post because I wanted to wait to show our bear off until her birthday.... But since I did that,  I forgot I had a couple of precious photos of Halley's 1st reaction of our bear!

 

For those who don't totally understand our excitement over our weighted bear, It is another tangible reminder that Lauren was here, she was and is forever part of our lives, and it gives us a reminder that someone else now knows about her. Plus, now we have something we can always put in our photographs (like so many other families do) to represent Lauren. <3 We never want to feel like we are leaving her out...even if other people feel uncomfortable by it.

 

Lauren's 2nd Birthday in Pictures

Just wanted to share!

We celebrated her 2nd birthday at her gravesite again this year. I prefer having it there because I feel like she is with us. I don't think I would like to have her party somewhere else, like at our house, and then travel to go visit her. It works well for us this way too. We ate, sang happy birthday to her, opened her presents, and did a balloon release! <3