July 4th has been extremely depressing the last 2 years. I think because I was just so excited to have Lauren so close to July 4th. We had her 1st July 4th outfit and bows picked out for her. I was hoping I would be able to put her outfit on her and snap a picture of her... but we didn't make it that far. I remember our 1st July 4th without her was excruciating. But, I made it through for Halley. I felt like if I didn't participate, I would scar her for life or something. It was by no means, a celebration. This year was about the same. I was in a bad mood, really annoyed, and anxious. I did not care to see fireworks. It is right after Lauren's Angelversary, so I'm not really in a joyous mood. I chose to let Brandon and Halley go buy a small supply of fireworks as I laid on the couch. I had planned for a month to go visit Lauren on July 4th, since I bought her something to leave with her. Instantly, I was not in the mood anymore, instead I felt like curling in a ball and not moving for the day. Eventually I could not resist anymore and as sad as I was, I still went out there. We took Lauren some sparklers, lit them, and just thought about how'd she might have enjoyed them. There was no one around us, or they might have thought we were crazy (like when we attempted to let lanterns go and that failed horribly). We enjoyed the few minutes the sparklers stayed lit, didn't get caught by security this time, and finally decided it was time to leave. I ended the night back in my spot on the couch, while Halley and Brandon went out to pop their fireworks. I don't know if there will be a time that I'll enjoy holidays again, but eh, who needs them anyway. Here are a couple of pictures from Lauren's July 4th:
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