Thanksgiving

Today was tough. There was so many times I wanted to just break down, but fortunetly I held it together, for the most part. I miss her. What else can I say that is different? Nothing, because that is how I feel. Ugh grief is hard. Unfair and Hard.

My day started by going to the gym for a little bit. I am trying to motivate myself to get back to the size I was. It is hard when you suddenly do not care what you look like but know it is a not a good look. I feel like my weight is one tiny portion of something that can make me a little happier if I can get to where I want, so I figured I would put some effort into this time. Anyways, then I headed to the grocery store with my sister. At the end of our grocery shopping adventure we went over to the floral area. I picked up Lauren some flowers, along with some for my mother, and got Lauren some Thanksgiving balloons. While we were checking out, a guy noticed my balloons and said "Those are really pretty balloons, are they for your mom?"

Me: "Thanks, No, they are for my daughter."
Him: "Oh that's sweet, did you get them for her to play with?"

Me: "No, I am going to put them out for her."

:( It was hard saying that. Looking at this man who imagined a little girl, bright-eyed, excited over some pretty balloons... I wish that was the case. So anyway, Brandon, Halley, and I took the flowers and balloons to Lauren, and then took some flowers to my mom and my mom's mom.

Then after all of that, we enjoyed the remainder of our day at Brandon's parent's house. Overall I had an okay day, as good as it could be I suppose. Now I am all alone. Halley stayed with her grandparents and my husband has a 16 hour shift for Black Friday and my saddness is overwhelming. I chose to work tomorrow so I hope I am able to get a little rest tonight. :/ I hope everyone had a nice holiday.

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For That, I Am Thankful
By Darcie Sims

It doesn't seem to get any better,
but it doesn't get any worse either.For that, I am thankful.

There are no more pictures to be taken,
but there are memories to be cherished.
For that, I am thankful.

There is a missing chair at the table,
but the circle of family gathers close.
For that, I am thankful.

The turkey is smaller,
but there is still stuffing.
For that, I am thankful.

The days are shorter,
but the nights are softer.
For that, I am thankful.

The pain is still there,
but it lasts only moments.
For that, I am thankful.

The calendar still turns, the holidays still appear
And they still cost too much,
but I am still here.
For that, I am thankful.

The room is still empty, the soul still aches,
but the heart remembers.
For that, I am thankful.

The guests still come, the dishes pile up,
but the dishwasher still works.
For that, I am thankful.

The name is still missing, the words still unspoken,
but the silence is shared.
For that, I am thankful.

The snow still falls, the sled still waits,
and the spirit still wants to...
For that, I am thankful.

The stillness remains,
but the sadness is smaller.
For that, I am thankful.

The moment is gone,
but the love is forever.
For that, I am blessed.
For that, I am grateful.

Love was once (and still is)
a part of my being.
For that, I am living.

I am living,
and for that, I am thankful.