Goodness! It seems like it has been forever since I last posted anything... SO much has been happening lately, it feels like I don't have much time to even think..
So in December, Halley's father was going to get her for this Christmas holiday. This was going to be my very first Christmas morning to wake up without Halley, so I was very emotional about it since Thanksgiving, when I found out. I was having really bad anxiety because I was just so upset that I would not have Halley or Lauren to celebrate Christmas morning with. This was only going to be Lauren's second Christmas, and I just felt blind-sided by this. Anyways, we decided that we would celebrate our Christmas a week before.
The day before our planned Christmas, someone broke into our home. I have never felt so violated. Our area has never given us any concerns and is not know to be troublesome. When we first got the call, we figured it was just our garage door that blew open- nothing serious. But, we came to realize that someone did in fact break our living room window, knocked over our Christmas tree, and started to try and take things. I guess the alarm caught them off guard and they were attempting to move quickly. They were going after the game systems we have in our living room. They pulled everything from its place, but I guess that is when they heard my husband drive up. It was a huge ordeal - but they really only got away with my laptop and Halley's new ipod. They did open a couple of presents to see what they were, but the ones they opened were dolls and such, so they passed them over. I was thankful for that! We also had to pay for a new window replacement and throw away our Christmas tree; that was pretty sad. That kind of ruined our Christmas. It just did not feel the same at all. The next day we just went ahead and starting packing up our decorations. If you know us, that should show you how bummed we were, becuase we like to keep Christmas around as long as possible!
Overall, Halley enjoyed her Christmas. She got a ton of goodies from us, went and celebrated with her father, and then got to open gifts from her aunt and cousins.
The biggest obstacle we are facing lately is Halley having nightmares. It started since the night we were broken into. If your child has ever had a nightmare before, you know you never get sleep on those nights. Well, with Halley, this has been happening EVERY NIGHT. Yep - it is now passed the middle of February and has been going on since the middle of December. I almost totally lost it. I was so lost and confused as a mother since I just could not help her. I knew she was scared, I mean who wouldn't be right? The first couple of nights we let her sleep in our room on the floor just becuase she was way too frightened to be in her room alone. But she just refused to go to sleep in her room. Every night it was like she was clinging to us. She would cry all night - would not even shut her eyes. She was screaming - yelling our names and asking for us to let her come in our room. We tried keeping her nightlight on, then added her closet light being on.. we checked every room every night in front of her, checked every window, told her the alarm was set, kept our door open...but that was just not enough. Still the crying and nightmares were coming. It did not matter how much we talked to her, tried to comfort her, she was just not sleeping unlesss she was with us. She said every time she closed her eyes she would start to have a bad dream. She was getting frustrated and mad with herself - she said she knew she was 8 and she should be able to sleep on her own like she did for the years before, but just now she couldn't. I knew that I just did not know how to help her. I thought the best thing was to get Halley a therapist.
Halley really took a liking to a therapist before when we went to a family weekend grief camp and when she went to a week long summer grief camp herself, so I thought that this was just something we had to try. After a little bit of digging, I found one that I felt comfortable with. I got to meet her and have a session with her to discuss Halley a bit before bringing her in. At first, Halley wasn't thrilled with the idea and said she did not think it would help... but after about 2 sessions, she started to look forward to it! She has completed about 6 sessions now - she goes to 1 per week. I can definitely see progress with her. I know that anxiety is hard to deal with and I think her having an outlet is such a huge benefit. I got to have about a 15 minute session with her therapist today to talk about her future plans with Halley, and what we are going to work on in the next 2 months to really help Halley feel comfortable at home again. I was told that the average nightmares a person has is about 1 per month, but Halley was having about 3 per week! She also told me that at last week's session, Halley said she did not have 1 in that 6 day period from seeing her last. That is a major improvement! So, I have high hopes and think that it is well worth it. She also told me that besides Halley's anxiety, she is a really happy child. I, of course, loved hearing that!
But yeah, I think that is the biggest issue we have been facing lately. Other than that, I am just busy with work 24/7. It is getting pretty old again, and stressful, but I try to stay as positive as I can. I just hate that my laptop was stolen. We have a couple of desktops and an ipad, but it is just not the same as my laptop. Especially after sitting at a desk all day, the last thing I want to do is come home and sit at another desk. So that is why I have been abandoning my blog basically- ha. Hopefully soon everything will slow down, and I'll get another laptop, and I'll be a semi-happy-ish gal again. :)
Until next time.... Goodnight!
