Sharing Stories

So on Saturday, I had something completely unexpected happen.

I just recently moved to a new team on my floor at work and I do not know anyone and I knew the introductions and questions would come eventually. I have struggled in the past with the question " do you have any children?" and the follow up question of "how old are they?" but, lately I have started to be a little more open. Some people I work with know about Lauren because of Facebook, but the office is huge, so there is a ton of people I don't know and I meet new people daily. Well, on saturday it was slower than usual, so there was time for some casual conversations, and I got asked the normal series of questions and then came the "how many children do you have?". I always say 2. When I first lost Lauren, I was never able to say she had passed away, but now I am able to. It is still extremely awkward to me just because of how uncomfortable people get and the strange reactions that come from me telling them.

But anyways, I told her about Lauren. Usually people don't inquire why or continue our conversation but she did. Come to find out - She has also lost a child about 7 years ago. Then, she continued with her story. She really opened up to me. I was so grateful that she did, especially since she said she has never been open about loosing her daughter. - I saw her pain and her strength.

I can say, It was  unexpected but very calming and nice to have someone to talk to.. even if it was only for a few minutes. I have heard alot of stories about baby loss mommies opening up to strangers, and it opens doors for people to talk about their lost children as well.

My conversation with her made my day a little easier. :)

Mending Broken Hearts Collection

Don't you just love these necklaces?!?

I recently bought them from the Wendy Layne - Mending Broken Hearts Collection. Wendy lost her grandson, Marcus, in July and she creates these beautiful neckalces in memory of him. She also gives 10% of the proceeds to M.E.N.D. She has an etsy store where she sells several different pieces as well as custom pieces.

Here is the link to her store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/WendyLayne?ref=pr_faveshops 

Now the Cherry Blossom necklace is mine, and the pink one is Halley's - She was so excited to get her necklace. Below is another picture but it includes another necklace from this collection. I received this one when I won it from the M.E.N.D. Christmas Ceremony raffle. I love them all!

Christmas Day with Letters for Lauren's Stocking

Christmas was definitely difficult for us. This was our first Christmas since Lauren has entered our lives. Our hearts were hurting, but we chose to still keep with our regular Christmas traditions and in the end, it was a Christmas we will never forget.

The morning began as we woke up at 6:30AM so Halley got to see what Santa brought her and begin opening all of her presents under the tree. Excitement filled our living room with the amount of smiles that came from her that morning.

Before we started to get ready for the morning, it was time for us to read all the letters that were sent to us for Lauren's stocking project. We were amazed and touched by the amount of response we got for this. One by one we opened each letter or random act of kindness someone sent to us, and tears poured. Each one of us just couldn't believe how many people have been touched by Lauren's short time here. It was an amazing experience for us to have done this and I hope to carry this on every year that follows. I wanted to say Thank You to each and every person who took the time to think of us. I wanted to list them below with their RAOK and a small piece of their Letter. It is so hard to narrow it down to just one or two sentences from each letter, but I will try.:

Angie, Caleb, & Justin Autry: Thank you for your letter and Random Act of Kindness. They paid off someone's layaway so a little girl & boy will get to have a Merry Christmas. The end of their note says "Thank you for being such a wonderful inspiration to us all, Baby Lauren."

Mamaw Autry: She bought a child a bike for Christmas. In her letter to Lauren, she wrote "I never got to meet you in person, but in spirit and heart, I know I did. I will always love you."

Martha Madole (Autry): In Martha's letter to Lauren, she wrote "I prayed long and hard for your recovery, but God had other plans for you. You know the great secret that lies beyond this life, and I believe you are safe in God's hands."

Utah & Ruth Autry: In memory of Lauren, they donated $50.00 to St. Judes Children's Hospital. They wrote "Instead of us watching over you, you will be watching over us. Our hearts are healing knowing we will all be together one day."

Priscilla B. & Family: Priscilla noticed a struggling family in the store (A mother who was pregnant, and with her was a 2 yr old & another little girl who looked 7-8 yrs old). This little girl who was 7-8 yrs old, reminded Priscilla of Halley. This little girl wanted candy canes for Santa but her family was unable to buy them. She bought this little girl candy canes and said she "bought them by mistake, but thought maybe they could use them." In her letter, she said "This RAK, I did especially for you, in honor of sweet Lauren, and to bless a big sister like Halley.

Rori C.: Her RAOK was to send another mommy who lost her baby girl, an ornament the family could hang on her tree. She also sent us a star ornament, with the letter "L" and a little footprints charm attached.

Emily C.: She helped another mother with her child and "thought about all our baby angels and prayed that they are with each other, supporting one another like we are doing for each other."

Abigail C.: Abby helped a struggling mother in need of anything for her 2 week old baby. In her letter to Lauren she wrote "So, in honor of beautiful little Lauren, I have her clothes, blankets, diapers, and a bottle to see if they like this particular kind that I'm not using. I filled a big gift bad full of things."

Fuentes/Simpson Family: They wrote Lauren a nice little letter, in it they wrote, "You'll always be in our hearts and thoughts. We will always love you."

Arica G.: Arica also wrote Lauren a beautiful letter. In her letter she wrote "I'm not sure why special angel babies are meant to touch down here for a month or months, then be called back to Heaven, but I am sure of one thing. You will take care of Alfredo's and my angel babies in Heaven. Besties on Earth, and Baby Besties in Heaven. <3"

Feli G. & Family: The Garcia family wrote Lauren a letter too. They wrote "Lauren, you were taken from us too soon. You received your wings early. We ever long to hear your voice, feel your touch, see your face. Your mother keeps your memory alive in every way possible. Through your father, you will always be sought and wanted. Your sister, her days with you are memories that will last for miles and miles. But I know you will fly with them in life with the beauty of a dove."

Kyndle H.: Kyndle mentioned that she wanted to write me a hand written letter, but just recognizing my baby girl was enough. She wrote "I wanted to wish you, Brandon, Halley, and Lauren a very Merry Christmas. I don't know hard it is for all of you, but you and your family are in my thoughts on this holiday."

Alfredo H. & Family: Alfredo helped a family out with a tank of gas, a family that was struggling with money and had no gas, but wanted to take their child around to see Christmas lights. In their letter, Alfredo wrote "Well Lauren the holidays are here and I know your mommy, daddy, and big sister are missing you dearly, and wish that you were here so that they could shower you with gifts, hugs, but most importantly, lots of love! And like I mentioned before, there's so much I want to say, but more than anything, I ask you to keep healing your family's heart like you have been doing and keep my little man busy".

Gabby I.: She received one of the stockings from our RAOK and wrote "I really do appreciate the thought. May you and your family have a blessed Christmas."

Karla I.: Karla wrote a sweet letter to Lauren. In it, she wrote "You are and will always be a perfect angel. You were taken from us too soon, but one thing I truly believe in my heart is that we will get a second chance to meet and love on you in Heaven when we get there."

Jena J.: Jena did several random acts of kindness including: donating money to Red Cross, giving a homeless woman bus fare, donating to a war veterans fund, donating to a kids outreach program, helped someone with groceries, paid for someone's drink at Starbucks, but wanted to do something bigger in honor of many children who were gone too soon. She wanted to thank some doctors and nurses that worked at Cooks Children's Hospital NICU. This was especially amazing to me, since Lauren spent 12 days there. I have been wanting to do something for them for so long, but just have not had any strength to do so. Jena, her husband, and friend delivered coffee travelers, coffee, cookies in a jar mixes, and pastries to them, along with a handmade sign saying who she was donating all of that in Loving Memory of. Lauren's name was included, along with 13 other babies. She also wrote this quote on her sign "We have suffered, but we have survived; We are hurting, but we are enduring."

Kali K.: Kali selected several children off of her community's local Giving Tree to provide needed items for children in foster homes. She said she "purchased baby toys, baby dining ware, sippy cups, toddler learning games, paint and paint brushes. I remembered our babies while preforming this act of kindness."

Megan M.: In Megan's letter she wrote "As a mom to a baby in Heaven it absolutely broke my heart that I could not save or help my baby, so I have decided that in memory of all angel babies I donated blood, hoping to give the gift of life so no other parent has to go through our hurt and pain."

Mendez Family: Their RAOK was to make a donation to a memorial fund for Clarence Robinson, who "was 18 years old that had a heart fuill of kindness, especially for children. The day he was called to Heaven, he acted as a good samaritan, trying to save the lives of children."

Paco M.: In his letter to Lauren, he described himself, his family, our family, my mother, and what it was like while I was pregnant with her. He wrote" Not sure if you can see us from up there, but believe me when I tell you this, you're still in our hearts and your mom and dad still loves you very much, and still believes you are here with us. I know I will always continue to call you my niece and I will always have you in my heart."

Christy M.: "I am thankful for the time I was able to have with you. The visits when you looked at me, held my finger, were the happy moments I will keep in my heart and mind. Everytime I think of you, I smile; cry, and hope that you are enjoying your time in Heaven with Grandmas and watching us. I wish you were here with us not only for the holiday, but to see my niece grow. I love you very much and do miss you more than you will ever know. Merry Christmas to my baby angel Lauren."

Adrianna N.: Adrianna left change in the NICU waiting area at MCA. Lauren was delivered at MCA and also spent a few days in their NICU. I beleive MCA is also where Adrianna's son Avery was delivered as well. She wrote "I hope the thought of this change helping another family with a baby fighting for their life brings you warmth, hope, and healing this holiday without your beautiful daughter. Lauren, you will always be remembered and loved. I am sorry we never got to meet. Your mommy is an amazing woman who I hope to connect with M.E.N.D."

Rodriguez Family: For their RAOK, Halley and I were able to take part of and were happy to have seen it. They filled two bags with sweat pants, a sweater, hats, socks, drinks, snacks, and burgers. We drove downtown to a homeless area, and passed the bags out to people in need.

Nicole R.: She wrote a beautiful letter to Lauren, but also included a poem she wrote, and I wanted to share that:

Lauren our sweet baby girl
Angel in Heaven, smiling down
Up in the clouds, is where you are
Running, dancing, and prancing all around
Everyday until we see you again, we will cherish the times we spent
Nothing will replace our love for you, Lauren Isabelle Autry we all miss you

Tina R.: "I know this Christmas is not being spent the way you had dreamed it would be. I feel the same this year. While we ache for our babies, it has brought me some comfort to make sure that my daughter's memory lives and to honor her short life by blessing others." I feel the same way as Tina! This is what I have been focusing on. This was her RAOK: "Last week at work, I was talking to a coworker about some Christmas candy I had made the night before to give as a gift. My coworker (who happens to be named Melissa as well) said that her younger sister was talking about the same kind of candy a few days earlier. Sine that time, her sister had been craving that particular candy. Her sister's name is Lauren. I couldn't pass up the opportunity, so I went to my car, got the candy, and gave it to Melissa, asking her to pass it along to her sister Lauren in memory of your precious girl."

Nolvia V.: Nolvia wrote Lauren a letter and wrote "Although I wasn't around when you left, I know you're a very strong girl, and I can tell you were going to be very lucky...you have an amazing strong mommy, and I'm so sure youre daddy would have spoiled you so much, and not to mention the love your big sister already had for you. You have a great family, that you now get to take care of from Heaven. I truly wish your mom didn't have to go through this, but I know you're in a much better place, Too Beautiful For Earth."

Once we wiped the tears away, it was time to go spend the morning with the Autry family. We opened gifts and ate a ton of delicious Breakfast food.

Then, we came back home and I made a couple of dishes I was responsible for making for my family's Christmas lunch. We went over to my sister's and ate a yummy variety of food, and watched all the kids open more Christmas gifts.

After all of that, I came home and napped. I woke up and realized how much of a comfort the Letters for Lauren's Stocking was. I was sad, yes, but I made it through the day as I was recalling what each letter entailed. This was not my ideal Christmas, but it was still one I can remember as being surrounded by the love and care of my family and friends.

We had 26 letters to open on Christmas morning. We were overwhelmed with emotions. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you everyone who took the time to complete a random act of kindness, who wrote a letter to Lauren, or did both. I will cherish these for years to come. It really does comfort me seeing how much other people cared for my child, some who did not even get to meet her. Each of you hold a special place in my heart, and I will never forget what a wonderful gift you gave us on Christmas morning. <3

Our Random Act Of Kindness - Christmas 2011

So this year we participated and performed a couple of different random acts of kindness but as a family, Brandon, Halley, & I did one we were extremely happy that we were able to do.

This year, we decided we would let other families who lost a child, know that there is another family thinking of their child. I know how it feels to think you are alone. I wanted to make sure we were able to reach out to people.

We went to the store and bought 48 mini stockings, 48 small ornaments which were either 1) A pink teddy bear, 2) a blue teddy bear, or 3) a white snowman, and also bought little tags where we could incorporate a Merry Christmas note. We knew that we could not put enough out for every single baby that is buried at the cemetary where Lauren is at, as babyland is unfortunetely pretty big. We thought that this could just be a small gesture to these families, and I could imagine how I would react if I was the one receiving on the other end.

This picture is Halley organizing all the Stockings.

This is everything we bought & put together. (We mixed the red & green stockings for the boys and girls, we wanted a variety.)

Halley stuffing the stockings :)

I'm not sure why these pictures are turned, but these are the insides of the tags we put in the stockings as well. We wanted to wish the families a Merry Christmas, let them know this was coming from another family who lost a child too soon, and put my email, in case anyone wanted to talk. <3 We then we out to the cemetery and placed the stockings beside the babies.

Hopefully, the families who received our small gesture of kindness enjoyed it as much as we did completing this. I am going to include a few of the pictures we took of some of the stockings we placed, and I am hoping no one gets offended that I am posting these, but I feel as I should show our Random Act of Kindness completed.