As many of you know, we took a break from our RE since our Artificial inseminations were not working last year. We never stopped TTC naturally, but we knew the odds were not likely.
In March, we still had not conceived, so we decided it was time to go back to the RE.
I was put back on Femara for 5 days (days 3-7) and did Bravelle Injections for an additional 7-8 days. I did not end up with multiple mature follicles and our SA post-washed #s were not good either. Londgstory short, we ended with another BFN.
In April when I went back to the RE, I was told they did not want to do any more cycles with Inseminations with us anymore - IVF is our last option.
Needless to say, I was devastated. I know the likeliness of us coming up with $13,000 is VERY unlikely. It has been a hard pill to swallow. We have still been ttc naturally but I have no positivity left.
We are coming up on the 4 year mark of us TTC our rainbow and I feel like I am so drained. Negative after Negative, Doctor Appointments, Medications, Injections, More Negatives, Working with 3 complaining pregnant women daily, just ugh. Many people want to tell me, "well stop trying" but it is not that easy. It is not easy to not try. It is not easy to come to terms that something you and your family want so desperately will not happen. I know I am young. I know I have more years left to be able to conceive, and I know it could still happen one day. But I am tired of wanting and waiting. I wish I was fertile like so many other people I know. I guess you never really understand until you are in my shoes.
Currently we are preparing to move from our home that we built. This is the same home we hoped to bring Lauren home to. It has been 4 years since she died and I still have not had the courage to take down her nursery. We never go into her room except maybe 2 times a year since. Today we started packing it and I just was overwhelmed with sadness.
We had so many hopes and dreams. This room symbolizes everything we have wanted and everything we have been waiting for the past 6 years for. Taking the room apart and packing is just so devastating. We are keeping all of our nursery furniture and truthfully, it makes me feel like a crazy person. I feel like I am just holding on to these belongings for a future child that I have no idea if I will ever have. How hard is it going to be on us in 5 more years when we still have not conceived and still have baby furniture, diapers, and clothes? My husband sees everything as Lauren's and cannot let go of anything either. I guess we will deal with all of that in the future. Is it weird that I am already dreading that?
Anyways, I figured it was time to update our journey for the few that follow this. I am hoping to start a weight loss journey so in the future that will give us better chances of conceiving. Then hopefully one day we will be able to afford IVF. Only time will tell, but I will keep updating.
To recap our journey so far for our Rainbow:
{September 2011 - September 2013} 25 Cycles (TTC Naturally)
{October 2013 - November 2013} 2 Cycles (2 Rounds of Clomid + Ovidrel)
{December 2013 - February 2014} 3 Cycles (TTC Naturally)
{March 2014 - April 2014} 2 Cycles (2 Rounds of Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel + IUI)
{May 2014 - February 2015} 10 Cycles (TTC Naturally)
{March 2015} 1 Cycle (Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel + IUI)
{April 2015 - June 2015} 3 Cycles (TTC Naturally)
July 2015 will be Cycle #47 - has yet to begin but of course it will be naturally. :)
