Sweet Pictures

A couple of days after Lauren passed, the hospital called and said we could come by and pick up her belonging. Mixed within was a disc of unexpected pictures. When Lauren passed, I was in complete shock. I had no idea what the next steps would be, what I would and would not want, etc. Pictures was definitely something I did not think about as I held her for the last time. When we were going through her things, I popped the disc in the computer thinking it was the pictures we took with one of the Child Life Specialist while Lauren was in the NICU. Instead, we got a sweet surprise. They gave me 12 photos they took of her after we left the hospital that morning. These pictures are the most precious treasure I will ever have.

07/01/11 - One Year Ago In Pictures

July 1st was the last day we saw Lauren alive. She was moved to an area that had more space just early that morning. She needed more room for her machine, and for everyone to get around it. I can just remember being extremely emotional this day, but I went home feeling okay. Our last visit with her that night was around 11pm. The hospital woke up up on July 2nd at 4AM. :( I miss seeing her, I miss holding her, I miss everything. Every day is hard, especially lately since it has been exactly one year since we went through the emotional roller coaster of Lauren being in the NICU. I had such high hopes and there is nothing I can do with them now, except pack them away. </3

06/30/11 - One Year Ago In Pictures

This was the last picture of Lauren in her spot that she was in for almost her entire hospital stay. The next day is the night she had to be moved. I love this picture because you can see her little shaved section on the side of her head from her 1st hair cut. I love that you can see the creases of her arm. I love her little nostrails and her little top lip. They are so cute <3

06/27/11 - One Year Ago In Pictures

This 1st picture of her is one of my favorites. She looks so tiny and she is resting so peacefully. I also love that she is holding onto my finger and she looks so comfotable while doing so. The 2nd picture is of Lauren during our night visit with her. I know she was loving her monkey blanky!

06/26/11 - One Year Ago In Pcitures

We did not get any pictures of her from June 25th, but here are the two we have of Lauren from the 26th.

06/24/11 - One Year Ago In Pictures

This day was super exciting for me! During our morning visit, I got to change Lauren's diaper for the 1st time. Her nurse, Ray, helped me out and taught me how to change her diaper. Since Lauren's legs were small, changing her diaper was a little different than usual, plus she was still connected to her tubes and in her bed. Then during our night visit, Lauren's primary nurse, Monique, let me hold her for the 1st time. I was just so, so happy! I held her for our entire visit and did not want to put her back in her bed at the end of the night. <3

06/23/11 - One Year Ago In Pictures

I don't have any pictures of Lauren on this day. :(  This was the day she had to get a blood transfusion and the entry point was on the side of her head. Because they did that, she got her 1st haircut on this day! They gave me a little piece of her hair, something I cherish, and am so glad that I have. Also on this day, we walked in and her nurse printed out a cute little name tag for her!